You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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