In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
