Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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