i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
