Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
