I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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