how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
