PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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