It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
