i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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