Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
