Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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