I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
