On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
