I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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