So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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