when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
