Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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