my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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