I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
