Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
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