How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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