I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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