god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Hippo gnu deer
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
