after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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