glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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