i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize