In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
