Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
