my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you inspire me to be a worse person
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
