where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
