He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Never joke about your clitoris.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
