don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Farmville is her only friend.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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