He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize