so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
