You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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