Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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