you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
