my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize