Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have aggressive nipples.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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