you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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