And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize