that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
