yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
