Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
