it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize