i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
