haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
