why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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