I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
