he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
