Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
