Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
