I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
