last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
