Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
