Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
