you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
