dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize