I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
