I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
