OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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