He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
