I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
