I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
They should really pass out barf bags in church
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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