wanna go halves on a baby?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
