Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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