Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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