your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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