i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
