I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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