I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
