dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
