u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
