You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize