the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
