I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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