somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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