Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
