I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
