We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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