Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize