Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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