I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
