You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
