Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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