So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
