this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
