why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
